broken [bearpaw, please]

[D a R K - R a H]

D R E A M P A W;;
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She pulled her front paws in close, curling her back legs tight against her stomach. Her muzzle leaned forward to rest awkwardly against her forepaws, and her tail swept forward to rest on top of it. The smallest form of a sound, not even a whimper, sounded briefly from the she-cat's white throat. Her ears stood loosely erect; she felt too empty to so much as take the energy to pull them tight against her head in the discomfort she was already feeling.

The little cat who was usually so happy and chipper seemed so far away. Nothing remotely close to joy echoed in Dreampaw's mismatched eyes. Her gaze hung limply forward, stuck on the ground before her. She breathed loudly, every few breaths a sigh. As they usually did at that time of mid-morning, her small white paws itched to be moving. But she'd been up wandering since before dawn; her body ached with more pain than a few hours walking could have caused. It was as if she were physically feeling the sweeping sorrow and emptiness that had filled her heart.

It had started with Darkrain. The skilled, respected warrioress had fallen in love with her closest friend and given birth to three shining she-kits. Not only were the tiny newcomers the offspring of the clan's most honored senior warriors, they were also each named after dead cats from RavineClan's past. The first was Sorrelkit, dubbed after her aunt Sorrelsky. The second was Waterkit, given the name of RavineClan's previous medicine cat Watermint. Lastly, there was Dreamkit. Her name came from the leader from her parents' younger days: Dreamstar. Cats still whispered that Dreamstar had been the greatest leader the forest had ever seen, on the opposite end of the spectrum from the infamous Fernstar. For a while, the family of five was as happy as they ever could have been. Quite a pawful, the kits certainly were, but a litter of sweet, innocent daughters.

Sorrelkit had been the first to go. Dreampaw felt a wave of shame as she struggled to so much as recall her sister's face. She knew the firstborn had been an odd mixture of both parents, with both patches of a golden, spotted pattern and deep black. She even had trouble remembering what had caused the first death in the family. Perhaps it had been a late spring sickness, or maybe a lone fox as the clan moved into their new home. Whatever it was, Dreampaw still knew it had hit her family hard. Waterkit had grown much closer to their father, while Dreampaw herself barely spent a moment from her mother's side. They slowly recovered, learning to love despite the pain. But there was little healing the second time. Darkrain had grown strangely ill and died in her sleep. Cheetathorn had been hit horribly hard. His eyes were almost constantly clouded in hardening pain. He went away one day and never came back. Dreampaw had refused to mourn. She'd acted as if nothing had ever changed; a stranger would have thought she'd never had any parents. Waterpaw, on the other hand, had grown further and further from her sister and clanmates. In the end, she had followed in her father's footsteps and vanished from the clan.

Now there was no holding back the great waves of unbarable sadness that swept over her with each heartbeat, threatening to drown her. The patrols had stopped looking for Waterpaw the night before. No one would look at Dreampaw, as if ashamed that they hadn't been able to do anything to help. Silverhawk had given her a few herbs to help her sleep, then promptly disappeared on the two-day trek to the Far Shore, where he would be able to share tongues with StarClan. Dreampaw didn't even want to know if he'd see Waterpaw and Cheetahthorn there.

Her small form lay alone on the ground beneath the ledge into Silverhawk's den. The sunlight came down through the trees, illuminating the dust in her pitch-black patches. There was a rustle of sound off to her left, but she made no move to see what it was. A hawk could have probably swooped out of nowhere and stolen all of the fresh-kill and Dreampaw wouldn't have shown much care. It wasn't until her view of the bare ground beneath her was obsured by a fluffy wall of rich mahogony that the little apprentice finally looked up. Her blue-and-brown gaze met with one of a light, hazel brown. Their eyes remained glued to eachother for what could have been a second, but might have been several. Then the brown she-cat leaned her head down for a brief second before turning away and slipping off to some other part of the camp. In the spot where the brown spots had only just stood lay a small mouse. With a tiny sigh, Dreampaw tried to force herself to eat, but ended up taking only a few bites before moving her chin back to her forepaws, her eyes staring blankly ahead.

But I thought that I should tell you
If it's not to late to say
I could put back all the pieces,
They just might not fit the same.

[Wazo]

It felt like a long day and it had hardly even begun. Most of the clan had been up, having looked for Waterpaw and finally given up once her scent had all but disapeared. Bearpaw had been up early, adding to the pile of fresh prey and bringing in bundles of moss for the nursery and elder's den. Clan life didn't stop for anything.

But mostly, the gray striped warrior was worried about Dreampaw. Once in the middle of a joyfully family of five, it had dwindled down to just her. While the clan was a family in a sense, nothing could replace the close bonds between parents and their kits.

He could imagine her sorrow. Darkrain taken from her unwillingly, a sickness, but Cheetahthorn and Waterpaw of their own right. Bearpaw's green eyes clouded briefly at the thought of his mother. Their lives were not even worth it to her to stay. Bearpaw didn't know what he would say if he ever saw Racoonpelt again. Perhaps how angry he was at her giving Cometpaw a reason to lash out at everyone who tried to get close. Or how Bearpaw never had a chance to be a care-free kit, having to bottle up his emotions and take care of his sister. Or maybe how abandoned he felt, his father dead, his mother gone, leaving a sister who belittled him.

He paused, his paws in mid-step as he spied a small bundle of black and white near Silverhawk's den. Dreampaw. For a moment he considered walking away, perhaps she wanted to be alone in her grief. Then again, if it was him, would he want no one to care enough to come near him? The gray tabby lumbered over to her side and sat down next to her, curling his fluffy tail around his paws.

"I'm sorry Dreampaw," he mewed, softly enough to where no one could hear him but her. "Are you ok?" he asked, his eyes flickering with sympathy, understanding, and sadness.

[D a R K - R a H]

D R E A M P A W;;
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Her gaze lifted ever so slightly. She knew his brown tabby fur at a glance. Her heart gave a feeble flop just thinking about him. He was the only family she had left. Bearpaw had been her closest and only friend since, well, since birth. She'd shared a den with him since birth and walked beside him every step she'd known of the Journey. They'd played gentle games as tiny kits and shared their many thoughts together, even into apprenticeship. Dreampaw often felt empty without him nearby. He was her constant companion, even when her siblings and parents disappeared. Bearpaw knew her as no others did, even her mentor Gryffinwing. Even her precious godfather Silverhawk did not know her thoughts as Bearpaw did.

The relationship between them was an odd one. Dreampaw did not feel towards him the feelings one usually associated with romance and love, nor did she merely feel any regular sort of friendship towards him. He had become her crutch, her air; the only being that kept her living and moving. She had no way of knowing what emotions he felt towards her in return, and, frankly, she didn't care. She knew her feelings towards him were powerful, binding, and true. Deep in her heart, Dreampaw knew she'd care for this particular tom for the rest of her life, no matter what paths separated them. StarClan could have set far different destinies before the young cats, but Darkrain's daughter knew a part of her heart would always belong to Bearpaw.

The sound of his voice seemed to lift some of her burden. Her mismatched eyes raised, seeking his face. She found it at last, one eye unseeing and the other full of concern. She lifted her muzzle, unable to so much as speak. She longed to have him closer, a shield to ward off the pain that still plagued her. He alone was still a part of her. Silverhawk had only proven the distance between them by padding off to the far shore and not staying to mourn with her. Gryffinwing and Brownspot worried for her and mourned Waterpaw, yes, but they were too preoccupied with thier young and tiny kits. Even Rainstar, with whom Dreampaw had never ever been close, was pulled far from her by his sickness. RavineClan, the clan known for being close to all of it's members, was alienated from the small patched she-cat. Except for Bearpaw. He had never taken a step to distance himself from her, even when trying to protect his sister Cometpaw at the same time.

She had no words to say to him. Perhaps, 'Stay with me,' or 'I'm frightened,' would have done, but she couldn't bring herself to form words aloud. Her voice was caught in her throat, a breath that seemed far from rising again. She knew one day her voice would echo from her again, perhaps when she one day looked upon Brownspot's four young kits frolicing in a patch of early spring flowers, or even when she watched Cometpaw and Cinderpaw step forward to recieve their warrior names. Surely the day would come when Dreampaw would no longer be able to hold her voice in any longer. For the time being, though, she had no desire to speak in any way.

Instead, she flicked her tail lightly in the direction of her mouse, welcoming Bearpaw to what remained of it. Her appitite might eventually return, as her voice would, but it was unlikely to be soon.

But I thought that I should tell you
If it's not to late to say
I could put back all the pieces,
They just might not fit the same.

[Wazo]

Bearpaw shifted his gaze to the unfinished mouse, and back to Dreampaw, but even a piece of prey could not distract him from this moment. He supposed his question was staring him straight in the eye, not needing empty words to explain itself or hinder the scene before him. He wouldn't leave her.

It was Dreampaw that had given him her attention when no one else had. Sure, Brownspot was incredibly patient with the handicapped warrior and the clan welcomed him, but to be able to have a friend who wouldn't roll their eyes behind his back or let out huffs of exasperation as Bearpaw let another animal slip between his claws. Ironically, Dreampaw had turned a blind eye to his blind eye, the only thing Bearpaw longed for. She won his loyalty by treating him as any other apprentice.

What had he become to her? Protector, confidant, the shoulder to lean upon. This half-blind tom, perhaps the weakest of them all, couldn't help but take this role, the collected parent for Cometpaw, the strong protecter for Dreampaw...sometimes he felt so much older then he really was, his bones creaking under the weight of trust, loyalty, and confidance.

So what did he need? A confidant? He had been storing his emotions away for so long, he doubted he had the words to explain himself or even the strength to do so. Perhaps he needed what he suspected Dreampaw did, someone who would never leave him. Not a mother who abandoned her kits, nor a sister who found hope within another cat, but someone who would stand by his side, who smiled when they saw Bearpaw, and who didn't view him as a hinderance. He needed her.

He pressed his flank against her side, stoney tabby fur mixing with white and black and felt her warmth against his body. "I'm not going to leave you," he said simply, his voice confident and stronger, perhaps stronger then he felt. Nothing else needed to be said.

[D a R K - R a H]

OOC... I'm not sure what else to post... This pretty much sums up their current relationship. Do you mind if I start another thread for all(/most) of the apprentices?

[Wazo]

ooc: go ahead, we need another RC apprentice thread